When I ride a lot of times I just kind of focus on getting to where I am going without any injury to me or my bike. After work yesterday I was feeling pretty relaxed and was thinking about all sorts of stuff besides keeping out of harms way.
The one thing that came to mind is how much I enjoy being out on my bike. When I ride I can gauge where my condition is on any given day, have I ridden too hard, I'm tired, I feel strong etc. Yesterday I was feeling particularly good, so I was flying along enjoying a great ride without too much effort, but with just enough to know that I was working hard enough. Basically, I knew that I was getting a good workout - as I had a couple of hills to do, nothing terribly out of control of course.
As I was thinking about how much fun I was having I thought about something of the things that I have heard people say about their rides - how they "punished" themselves on a ride and they rode so hard or the ride was so hard. It struck me as interesting because all of my cycling buddies at Performance just rave about all the rides that they go on and that is what I am used to. Is it me or am I stuck in between two different realms of cycling? I LOVE riding, it is the one thing that I can do that brings me happiness and a sense of well being. My bike is my escape - from my day and whatever else might be bogging me down.
Who wants to look like this?
When you could look like this...
What also keeps me riding is the fact that I can. Not my ability, but that I am allowed to. When I was first diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor I was instructed not to drive while I was on the dilantin. Of course, silly me asked about riding my bike and the doctor looked at me and said that I probably shouldn't ride my bike either - that would have lasted at least 6 months, until I was off the medication. I can understand a little, she didn't want anything to happen to me in the event that I had another seizure, but it seemed a little extreme. So, that was the WRONG answer and I immediately started trying to strike up a deal that would still allow me to ride my not even really broken in road bike and she relented, realizing that I would not let go of the issue. She agreed that I could still ride if I had someone with me. Well, that worked out and one of the guys from the station came out several times a week and rode with me...which was so great because it really made a difference in my attitude while going thru all the stuff that I had to do while starting up my cancer treatments. Even though I never rode very far on those rides, it was enough to keep me happy and in good spirits.
Since those days, nearly 5 years ago I am convinced that no one will ever truly understand the joys of cycling until there is the potential for it to be taken away for a period of time. If I had my riding privileges taken away that would have been punishment or torture or whatever else someone might describe a ride...
Riding is my passion and
NO ONE is going to take away that passion.
It seems like such a long time since this photo was taken, but it was 4 1/2 years ago...so really, not that long ago. Long enough that the stress and anxiety of the possibility of a recurrence fades more to the back of my mind. Up until April of this year I was having MRI's every 3 months, but in April I made my mind up to make a change and have my schedule switched to every 6 months - the best decision EVER! I don't think about the actual MRI much before the appointment and even less after. So I think I'm finally accepting that things are good.
