Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Feeling Happy

It's been a long time since I have felt completely content. Four years ago at this time was was still 3 weeks away from finishing my radiation therapy and man, I was started to feel the full affects of the therapy. I pretty much was tired most of the time and my hair was coming out in the places where I was receiving the beams. So that wasn't helping my attitude in any way. Cancer really sucks.

The last couple of weeks though, I have been feeling quite happy and having all sorts of fun and it is nice. I finally figured it out - if I had kept my same MRI schedule this month would have been my MRI/doctor month and I realized that I don't miss it! Which is a huge step in my survivorship because right after I finished my last chemo do-dah thing (thank you very much chemo brain) I started to feel really anxious and on edge quite often. Something about not being in treatments anymore seemed to kick in. Over time it became easier to deal with that, but the whole MRI thing was getting to be not so fun and pretty quick. Every couple of months for a couple of years and then moved on to every 3 months for the last year that was my curse and it was very maddening for many of those months as the schedulers for NW Cancer were not easy to work with at all. I would end up worried about when I might get my appointment for the scan and wonder if they would get it during the time that I always have them done even though it was kind of after hours. These people evidently didn't realize that I really am a princess and I have pretty strong feelings about how things should be done - my way! 3 years of anguish, anxiety and all around bitterness....I then started to ask "Why Me?" That was something that I never asked myself during my treatments....only after they were complete. It just seemed to be my luck. After a couple of letters to the Office Manager things improved somewhat, but of course, not to my liking.

So my decision to go every six months came very easily - I really didn't want to deal with the incompetent people anymore, I had better things to do with my time and energy. It was a decision that I made essentially at the beginning of this year, but did not have a chance to employ until April when I had my LAST oncologist was surprised, but I don't care, I'm not all that enthralled with her either. She is a great doctor, but too much of a good thing is just too much. My neurosurgeon was happy his reply was "Good." Man of few words.

The last month or so has been really great...I have not been overly upset or anything and have been surprisingly upbeat and happy. I figured it out in the last couple of irritating doctory stuff! I think that the chemo brain is with me to stay or I'm getting older and my mind is starting to go. I like to use the chemo brain excuse though, because really, no one really knows how long the affects of chemo last. So I'm good!

Life is good and I'm having a ball!

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